Thursday, July 27, 2006

Life Change

277.7. I can't believe that I weigh that much. This has been a complete life change. It isn't a fad, it isn't inspiration it is acknowledging my sin before God and begging for his strength to change the course of my life. I have been fat since I was 8. That's 25 years. Its a life pattern that is hard to break. I know I will have struggles and I will fail, but I am determined not to go back to old habits and patterns. The weight is coming off slower but my life is changing more. I bought a weight bench and started lifting 3 days ago. A regular day for me is like this - slim fast drink and bar for breakfast (380 cal.) a salad for lunch (350 cal. at the most, I refuse to use dressing that taste like sh... if I am going to eat a salad) and a subway 6in turkey and baked lays when I am at work (450 cal). I may eat 2 apples during day and a jello at night. That's 1350 calories a day from 8000. Fricking 8000 calories a day and I aint exaggeratin.
I stretch before I run (walking mostly and some jogging, running sounds better), I do push ups, curls, bench, and I walk/jog for 50 minutes, August 1 it goes to 55. After that I climb 108 stairs. I started doing crunches as well and while I watch TV I do that hand grip thing. Yes I'm obsessed and realize that this high will come down, but I need a high for at least 2 more months.
Jesus has completely changed my life and some things like lust and anger are looking like smaller foes, I will be like you Jesus, thanks for changing my life yet again.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Fat Knight going down

286.7 scoffers and doubters. I will not lose. I will not be defeated. I will win.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Foolishness of the Cross

I finished Martin Hengel's "Crucifixion" last week which is an historic account of crucifixion from about the 3rd century B.C. to about the second century A.D. He is an unparalleled scholar in backgrounds and I am amazed by the clarity and distinctiveness by which he writes. He is a scholar, no doubt, but first he seems to be a teacher because the aim of his works are for people, all people, to get what he is saying and he goes to great lengths to accomplish just that. While the book hangs on a few Latin and Greek phrases, I think someone could understand it if they don't know the languages.
While he says the book is just a survey of crucifixion, the aim is to clarify the meaning of Paul's use of "moria" to describe "ho logos tou starou." (Transliteration, no greek font on blogger) Several accounts of crucifixion are preserved from the ancient world, so it is something we have a knowledge of beyond biblical accounts. Some very graphic, while others brief, possibly because of the controversy surrounding the act, and even the mention of it. This cruel punishment was reserved for the lowest drags of society, it was coined as the "slave's punishment," or the "criminal's wood." The writings in Greek about it are scant because it was so offensive to Roman citizens. It was believed that only high treason could possibly cause the crucifixion of a Roman citizen, contrary to belief that Romans were never crucified. Of all the Roman forms of capital punishment, this one was supreme and let me assure you there were some bad ones. Such methods include covering people with the hides of animals so other wild animals would eat them alive, burning, and decapitation. All of which, including crucifixion, were popular forms of entertainment. Of course crucifixion amongst Jews might have the longest history, dating even back to the time of Moses as recorded in Deuteronomy 21:23.
All this goes to show that when Paul says that the word of the cross is foolishness, it means a lot more than we've been accustomed to. If crucifixion was such an atrocious act, even an offense to mention, it must have had ramifications far greater than we would expect. "Moria" is usually translated as foolishness in 1 Corinthians or something similar. Only five (maybe less) english versions use something different and that is folly. Liddell-Scott says that the word meant silly and BDAG says that the word was used to describe a wisdom derived from the world. That is, it wasn't birthed from the devine. While the meaning is clear, the intention isn't. When we think foolish, we think of a bad idea. For example, it's a bad idea to talk back to your supervisor, termination may result. Another example would be arguing with a drunk person, it's a foolish thing to do. Here, foolishness means so much more, it means the height of foolishness, it means that people saw Paul's message of a crucifed son of God as the epitome of stupidity. Not only was it absurd to think of a God giving birth to a son, but the foolishness is heightened as the logos includes crucifixion of that son. People didn't want to talk about crucifixion of man, let alone consider the idea of a God undergoing this horrible act. It wasn't that it was foolish because people thought it was just a dumb idea, it was foolish because people were offended, offended so much that they wanted to kill the messenger. This messenger was telling them that the only way to have a full, God pleasing life was to bow their knee to a man who was crucified. No one, not even a slave, would have bowed their knee to someone who had died on the criminal's wood, the slave's punishment. It went against everything they knew and everything that their society taught - everything.
Paul's foolish, stupid message cost him something everywhere he went. People hated him. Gentiles thought he was an idiot of the worst kind, his countrymen wanted him dead as much as they did Jesus because he spoke this in the name of Judaism, making them look as fools. This message wasn't a subject of his preaching it was the subject. His preaching cost him his life, and so the prophecy that he would have to suffer many things came to fulfillment. This "ho logos tou starou" cost him his life as it did all the apostles and many of the apostle's followers.
1 Corinthians 1:23 says, "we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block/offense and to everyone else, sillyness/foolishness." This passage haunts the leaders of God's holy church with two questions - what are you preaching and what does your message cost you?
Instead of naming the many titles amongst popular christian literature of our day that betray this cost, instead of naming names of the 1000's of ministers who have betrayed this apostle and more importantly the Lord Jesus Christ, consider instead what preaching/writing has produced in this country during this day. In the first century it produced martyrs and birthed a church that wouldn't die. Today preaching is producing christians who aren't christians at all and killing a church that once held a significant and influential status in this country and abroad.
Many leaders feel they need to feed their flock with a diet of topics. Money management, better living, being more positive, healthy lifestyles, and the like. Paul preached this message of the cross as the sum of all his ministry. THE sum, not a sidenote, not a choice among choices, but what he came back to, what he started at, what he preached because then and only then did it have nothing to do with him. (Romans 9:16) This is the message he was compelled to preach (Romans 9:16) and voluntarily preached it where it had not been previously (Romans 15:20). Galatians 5:11 proves the fact that Paul preached this and preached it uncompromisingly even under persecution.
What is really significant in all this is Paul's audience. A people who thought he was mad/insane and probably covered their ears when they heard him. It reminds me of Ezekiel's commision in Chapter 2. Ezekiel is charged to preach to a stubborn, obstinate, and "deaf" people. His call is not to worry about the response, but only to preach what he had been told to. Is it any different than what Paul was charged to do? Is it any different than what we are charged to do in the good ole' US of A? No it's not. This is our charge as well. To preach this violent, offensive, silly, foolish, message of a crucified Lord that will cost us all we have even, yes even our life. More to come...

Sunday, July 02, 2006

298 & Counting

Can you imagine weighing 298lbs. and being happy about it? I doubt it, unless you are me. Let me explain.
I've been large/fat/chunky/slovenly/huge/etc. all my life, well almost all. When I was eight years old I started to swell like I just got stung by a bee. We lived in England and I buried Cadbury's and Walker's crisp as if rigormortis was setting it. I didn't learn "Husky" wasn't a brand until I was 18 years old. During High School I was fat, but not like abnormally fat, a "Hey he drinks a lot of beer and has late night snacks too often" fat. So college rolled around and I got up to 245. I couldn't believe it. I was finally being pushed out of the 3x clothing line that some normal stores carried and being forced to shop only at "Casual Male Big and Tall." My Junior year I met my wife and wanted to impress her so I dropped down to about 227. The smallest I had been my whole life. I stayed there that summer but my last semester of college I replaced late studying with late nigtht Taco Bell and Dunkin Donuts. I ate that almost every night as a "snack." 3 Tacos, a 7 layer burrito, nachos (the middle priced one, not supreme not with just cheese) beans and rice and 3 apple fritters with milk stolen from Bartlett Petersons, yes I wrote 3. By the end of my first year of marriage I was up to 305. I thought this rapid weight gain has got to stop and developed a 8000 - 9000 calories a day diet to maintain this weight and in the past 9 years (ten years total) have only gained 45 pounds bringing the grand total to 350 pounds. Wow, what a pig, a fat one at that.
I even managed to ruin my pancreas over the course of this run becoming diabetic, lucky me, boy have I been responsible with this body God has given me. At least I am not like all those sinners who smoke. (Insert sarcastic tone here)
So last summer I took a shot at changing my life and it lasted a couple weeks, but I got down to 331, of course I got back up to 348 by the time Bec was 8 months pregnant.
When I gave my life to Christ, it wasn't until about 6 or 7 years after that I realized that this was a spiritual issue and have wrestled with it ever since. I have always felt guilty about what I have done to my body and have never made excuses, only jokes.
So it wasn't until I heard the words, "You know the BOP has physical requirements." When I heard that it registered in my soul, my btain, and my life that this weight thing is a sin. I was sitting in an interview with 10 chaplains in Springfield, Missouri and noticed I was the only Fatty McButterpants in the room, to quote my hero Doug Heffernan. That was May 17, and it registered in my brain that this weight could make my wife a widow, make my children fatherless, and stop my goals DEAD in their tracks. I got scared, real scared, and am still.
I was so scared that on May 21, the day after graduation I started walking and eating 1300 calories a day. I'm not hungry until late at noght and am doing something else to solve that problem. I feel good, I am proud of myself, and am happy that I am finally taking control of this life. Even though I just said that usiong first person pronouns I am fully aware it should be in 3rd because Jesus is sustaining me, I have yeilded another area of my life to the master and he is in control of it, I have no doubts about who is strengthening me to do this.
I am obsessed with it. I watch everything I eat and feel guilty if I miss one day of exercising because there is no way in hello I am going to let me beat me. How can I lose this race to me? I know it's only been about a month and a half but I am doing well. I am walking 40 minutes, lifting weights, doing squats, climbing 81 stairs, and doing pushups daily. My arms are solidifying. Next week I will go to 50 minutes and 108 stairs. I am actually running a large portion of that 40 minutes.
Many friends and family members will probably say that it's a passing phase and he'll back at Krispy Kreme before the "Hot & Now" light goes off but I say I am not looking back. I am pressing on and even as I'm typing this I am in a shirt that is 8 years old and brand new because only certain 5x's fit so I closeted it. It's a little loose now.
I wrote this to ask my friends and family to pray for me. I feel good physically and am on my way to being what I have always wanted to be physically and I need help. Pray that this journey to health will never end. And in case you're wondering how I'm doing, 298 and counting!!!