Just Pouting

Well we aren't moving to Mississippi. I called the SE regional director about how to handle the length of time it was taking to receive confirmation on being hired and he acted a little different than he had before when I called. He told me to call the head of the Chaplain department in DC and then told me to call the Employee Service Manager in Mississippi and she would tell me. I didn't understand why he couldn't tell me because it was obvious he knew something.
So I called Yazoo City FCC and they told me that the warden decided not to hire at this time and I was no longer being considered for that position. I freaked out and called a friend who knows the system well and he explained to me that it was most likely a budget issue since it is nearing the end of the fiscal year for the BOP. He told me to call DC and tell them that I wanted to be considered for another spot because Yazoo decided not to hire at this time.
So I called DC and spoke with someone there in charge of overseeing the hiring of new chaplains and she said real matter of factly that I would have a hard time finding a warden willing to hire me because of my "criminal background." Not because of education or experience. Not because of the inability to pass the physical ability test or scoring low on the integrity interview. Not because of bad references or the ability to do the job but because of mistakes I made between the ages of 8-19. 14-25 years ago, prior to coming to Christ, I screwed up, no I was a screw up and the thing I thought would better my ability to do the job and be hired is actually an unseen hindrance.
So I heard that and my heart just sank. My stomach got a knot in it and I tried to compose myself to the end of this conversation and just gasped when we were done. I was basically told I was hired by several people who knew what they were talking about and now I am back further than step one. I am confused about my life to say the least.
And yet I know that it isn't any of the things mentioned that ultimately decides my next step or end.
I have several options. I want to plant a church like there is no tomorrow, always have and always will. I would love to teach and a PhD is just a matter of time. The Air Force has always been a dream but my lack of fitness hindered me but now... I have a friend who is sold out on the philosophy of classical education and I am as well and would love to do something to promote, teach, or further that system. I should be and will write books. I feel compelled to preach and so many other things so even though the BOP door isn't as wide as it needs to be I have options.
More importantly I have a wife who loves me in light of the fact that I am an as!h$l*. She puts up with me, laughs at my dumb jokes which I thought were funny until I realized she is the only one laughing. She thinks I am sexy even though I know better. And finally, she believes in me. Even though I have consistently proven that I am better at failing than anything else she makes me feel like I am capable of anything and nothing will stop me.
Also I have 5 children who look at me like I am the same. (Except the sexy) They think I am a hero even though I am grouchy, frustrated, and tired. I am their world and they are healthy and as long as I have them and her I don't give a rat's nipple what else happens and that my friend is the honest truth.
Don't get me wrong, Wal-Mart is not on the "love to do" list. In fact it is on the "things that make me feel like murdering someone" list. I will leave a mark on this world for Jesus Christ no matter what it takes and he will be pleased with my life when I die, that's my ambition, that's my goal, as long as I can do it with Rebecca, Kennedy, Micah, Jasmine, Lil Lonnie, and Leila!